The Mission of PAIRS is to teach those attitudes, emotional understandings and behaviors that nurture and sustain healthy relationships and to make this knowledge broadly available on behalf of a safer, saner, more loving world.

PAIRS Mind-Reading Exercise

We all do it, and we are often surprisingly good at it. And therein lies the danger, since we sometimes assume that we know when, in fact, we do not.

Whether or not we are accurate, either way it is generally offensive to be told by someone else how we are feeling or what we are thinking. Acting on assumptions, without checking them out, is a common source of confusion, alienation and estrangement.

The definition of assume: making an ass of u and me.

PAIRS Mind-Reading Exercise offers a simple way to avoid the negative consequences of mind-reading along with a chance to find out what is actually true for the other person.

Used in this manner, mind-reading can become a useful tool for confiding, creating awareness, deepening understanding and empathy.

The following is an exercise in checking out whether those things you assume that you know – when, in fact, you do not - about another person's thoughts or feelings or perceptions are really true for them. Often our assumptions are not correct, and if we don't check them out, we'll never truly know.

Steps of PAIRS Mind-Reading Exercise

Sitting knee-to-knee, with hand and eye contact:

1. PERMISSION

Sender asks Receiver: "Do I have permission to read your mind?"

2. MIND-READING

When permission is granted, Sender says what s/he suspects is true for the Receiver. "One thing that I suspect is true about you that you haven't told me is …"

3. RESPONSE

Receiver does Shared Meaning
Sender asks: "Is this correct?"
Receiver replies and responds with clarification, if necessary.
Sender does Shared Meaning.

4. CLOSURE

Thank each other for the willingness to check out assumptions, listen, and confide.