Whether you've found your match on eHarmony, Match, JDate, ChristianMingle, Lavalife, PlentyofFish, RSVP or any of the many other online dating sites, PAIRS evidence-based exercises can help you know if your new flame can potentially be a partner for life.
Try these exercises, in order. The timeline is only an example. Come up with one that's appropriate for you.
|Check out if you're good listeners?||Weeks 1-2||Confiding is the lifeblood of intimacy. Being good listeners makes it safe for you to confide in each other today and long-term. It's not difficult to become a good listener if you're not already.||Five to 10 minutes
Answer a few questions about how you listen and then get feedback and guidance for becoming a great listener.
|PAIRS Good Listening App|
|How well do you communicate under stress?||Weeks 1-2||It's easy to be a relatively good communicator when there's no stress involved. But long-term relationships include many stressful situations to get through. Find out each other's stress styles.||Five to 10 minutes
Identify your stress styles and then learn a style that promotes good communication even in stressful situations.
|PAIRS Stress Styles App|
|Can you both make strengthening the relationship a daily priority?||Weeks 1-2||When it comes to sustaining love, good intentions are a great beginning, but learning to nurture the relationship each day is vital to staying connected. Practice five steps for grow closer each day.||25 to 30 minutes
Learn the steps of the Daily Temperature Reading and then create your first "DTR" and share it in an email. Continue doing this daily by email, phone or in-person.
|PAIRS DTR App|
|What will it take to build a high balance in your relationship Love Bank account?||Weeks 3-4||Feelings of love come from the anticipation of pleasure in our interactions with others. Explore and share what's a pleasure for each of you and how you can begin making Love Bank deposits.||15 to 30 minutes
Consider each of 50 actions and rate whether or not they leave you feeling cared about. Exchange lists and begin making building your relationship's Love Bank balance.
|PAIRS Love Bank App|
|How well are you each able to share and listen to each other's concerns or complaints?||Weeks 3-4||Differences are a normal part of every close human relationship. How you deal with differences is often much more important than the issues themselves.||10 to 20 minutes
Confide a concern you have and ask for what you want instead. Discover what it's like to become aware of differences and how you each respond.
|PAIRS Dialogue Guide App|
|Find out how well you're each able to get in touch with the full range of your emotions and make room for happiness and love.||Weeks 3-4||The more time you spend with each other, the more you'll learn about each other's upsetting experiences as well as the happy ones. Learn to relieve painful feelings to feel more desire, joy and connection.|| 20 to 40 minutes
Go through the four steps to see how comfortable each of you are getting in touch with your feelings and getting to relief.
|PAIRS Emptying the Jug App|
|You probably know your physical allergies. When it comes to intimacy, knowing each other's "emotional allergies" can be even more important||Weeks 5-6||It's not unusual in close relationships for things to happen that remind us of upsetting, hurtful events from the past. Without understanding the source of our "emotional allergies," we can hand the bill for that pain to our partner in the present.||20 to 30 minutes
Follow the prompts to focus on something that causes you to feel an intense reaction. Explore the source and how you can prevent your "emotional allergy" from getting triggered.
|PAIRS Emotional Allergies App|
|Deepen your connection by confiding a painful experience from your past. Learn to be healing to each other.||Weeks 5-6||To change the present, it can be helpful to confide the hurts and disappointments of the past, whether they are connected to our current relationship or from other periods in our lives.||20 to 30 minutes
Explore the "museum" of your life experiences and select a picture to share.
|PAIRS Pain Museum App|
|Deepen your connection by confiding a joyful experience from your past. What joyful memories will you create together?||Weeks 5-6||As you create your future, it can be helpful to re-experience the joys and pleasures of the past that were meaningful to you. These are memories that are yours forever; available to you whenever they are helpful.||10 to 20 minutes
Pick an especially happy memory from the "museum" of your life and share it.
|PAIRS Joy Museum App|
|When people commit themselves to each other, they agree to behave in a trusting manner. What are the lines you each agree not to cross?||Weeks 7-8||Boundaries are a necessary part of creating unquestioned trust between partners. That means being able to give your heart to each other for safekeeping with confidence it will not be broken.||20 to 30 minutes
See how you score on the jealousy checklist and then explore the roots of jealousy to make sure you don't get caught in a destructive web that can drive anyone crazy.
|PAIRS Jealousy App|
|Passion includes compatibility, commitment and chemistry. What's it like asking each other for what you want?||Weeks 7-8||Learn to bridge differences in sexual styles, express desires without awkwardness or embarrassment, and break out of guilt and frustration cycles that sabotage pleasure.||20 to 30 minutes
Imagine your perfect love-making scenario; create, share, and compare.
|PAIRS Love-Making App|