Daily Temperature Reading
A short daily ritual for appreciations, new information, puzzles, concerns with requests, and wishes, hopes and dreams.
A 501(c)(3) nonprofit since 1983
Because love shouldn't be guesswork.
And no one should have to figure it out alone.
Evidence-based relationship skills education that helps people turn conflict into connection. PAIRS Foundation teaches the attitudes, emotional understandings and behaviors that nurture and sustain healthy relationships, and works to make that knowledge broadly available on behalf of a safer, saner, more loving world.
Where would you like to start?
Individuals and couples
Classes, weekend retreats and online courses
pairs4me.com
Fathers
IronBond fatherhood workshops in South Florida
IronBond
Veterans and military families
Warrior to Soul Mate retreats and classes
Warrior to Soul Mate
Professionals
Become a certified PAIRS facilitator
Training and licensing
Organizations and partners
Nonprofits, agencies, funders, researchers and health systems
Partner with PAIRS
40+ years
Teaching relationship skills since 1983, when PAIRS grew from a graduate course at American University into a nonprofit
Hundreds of thousands
Individuals, couples and families who have learned PAIRS skills
1,000+
Licensed facilitators trained worldwide, including hundreds of VA chaplains and clinicians
15
Practical, usable skills strengthening 50 relationship competencies. How these fit together
Outcome figures on this site come from published studies and PAIRS Foundation evaluations. See the research behind them.
About PAIRS Foundation
Relationship skills can be learned. PAIRS teaches them.
Since 1983, the mission of PAIRS Foundation has been to teach those attitudes, emotional understandings and behaviors that nurture and sustain healthy relationships, and to make this knowledge broadly available on behalf of a safer, saner, more loving world.
PAIRS stands for the Practical Application of Intimate Relationship Skills: an evidence-based, experiential approach to strengthening communication, deepening connection and creating more loving, lasting relationships. The Foundation accomplishes its mission by developing and delivering best practices in marriage, family and couples education, conducting research, and training instructors worldwide.
PAIRS also supports research, education and related charitable activities to permanently interrupt cycles of intergenerational poverty by strengthening families as the foundation of resilient neighborhoods and communities.
A class, not therapy
Trained facilitators demonstrate practical tools and invite participants to practice them privately with a partner. No one has to speak in front of the group, and no exercise is ever required. Participants find their own answers; PAIRS teaches the skills.
Evidence-based and refined for decades
PAIRS began as a semester-long graduate course developed by marriage and family therapist Lori Heyman Gordon, drawing on the work of Virginia Satir, Daniel Casriel and George Bach. Its progressive lesson plans have been researched and refined for more than 35 years. See the research.
For every kind of relationship
Couples in crisis, coasting or thriving. Parents and children. Fathers, veterans and their families. Friends, colleagues and the professionals who serve them. Formats range from nine-hour workshops to weekend retreats, multi-week courses, video lessons and a free AI coach. Scholarships are available.
Invite, never inflict
PAIRS ethical and training standards guide every class. Instructors coach the skills and respect that each participant makes their own decisions about their values and relationship vision.
What PAIRS teaches
Practical, usable skills for the moments that matter
Most relationships do not fall apart because people stop caring. They struggle because no one taught the skills. PAIRS moves participants from unconscious incompetence to conscious competence, one tool at a time.
- 1
Learn
Discover a practical framework for communication, conflict and closeness in a class, retreat or online course.
- 2
Practice
Rehearse each skill in guided exercises with a facilitator, a partner or the free Yodi app.
- 3
Sustain
Build the daily habits, like the Temperature Reading, that keep a relationship growing for years.
Talking Tips
A structured way to confide a concern and ask for a specific change without blaming, judging or criticizing.
Emptying the Emotional Jug
A listening exercise that makes room for anger, sadness, fear and love so the whole person can be heard.
Fair Fight for Change
A safe structure for difficult problems so both partners can express what they need and reach agreements that hold.
Confiding Emotional Allergies
Recognizing the old wounds that trigger outsized reactions today, and asking for what helps instead.
Stress Styles of Communication
Noticing the placating, blaming, computing and distracting patterns that keep people disconnected under stress.
Caring Behaviors
Learning the specific, everyday behaviors that help each partner feel loved, rather than guessing.
Letting Go of Grudges
Tools for forgiveness and repair that free relationships from the weight of past hurts.
Fifteen skills, fifty competencies, sixteen exercises: how they fit together
- 15 skills
- The named tools taught in a PAIRS class, like the Daily Temperature Reading and Talking Tips. These are what you learn and practice.
- 50 competencies
- The everyday abilities those skills build over time, such as listening without defending, naming a feeling or asking for a change without blame. One skill strengthens several competencies.
- 16 Yodi exercises
- Guided practice sessions in the free Yodi app, adapted from PAIRS tools so you can rehearse on your own. They support the skills taught in class; they don't replace them.
The eight skills above are a sample of the fifteen in the PAIRS curriculum. Participants practice them in class, then use them at home, at work and in every relationship that matters.
See how a PAIRS class worksPrograms and resources
One foundation. A family of programs.
PAIRS Foundation reaches people where they are. Each program has its own home online; start with the one that fits your situation.
pairs4me.comPAIRS for individuals, couples and families
The official home of PAIRS classes, weekend retreats and online courses, the PAIRS Now video library and the free PAIRS Yodi AI relationship coach. Whether a relationship is in crisis, coasting or thriving, this is where to begin.
- Upcoming classes
- Weekend retreats
- Scholarships
- PAIRS Now videos
- Yodi app
IronBondironbonds.orgIronBond: strong fathers, stronger families
A free, 24-hour fatherhood program in South Florida for dads, stepdads, grandfathers and male caregivers. It combines the six-part IronBond Essentials workshop series with coaching and workforce connections. Powered by PAIRS Foundation.
- Fatherhood workshops
- Co-parenting
- Broward & Miami
- Community partners
Warrior to Soul Mate
w2sm.com
Warrior to Soul Mate for veterans and their families
Relationship-skills retreats and classes for veterans, service members and their partners, delivered with VA chaplains and behavioral health professionals. Leadership training and education, not therapy or counseling.
- Veteran couples
- VA partnership
- Whole Health
- Retreats
PAIRS.tools
pairs.tools
Certification training and licensing for professionals
PAIRS Essentials certification training, curriculum licensing and program resources for chaplains, counselors, educators, clergy and community organizations who want to deliver PAIRS with high quality-assurance and ethical standards.
- PAIRS Essentials training
- Licensing
- Curriculum guides
- Research
IronBondFatherhood
IronBond: practical skills for the fathers families count on
IronBond equips dads and male caregivers in Broward and Miami-Dade with the tools to improve communication, manage conflict and strengthen relationships at home. Trauma-informed workshops teach real-world parenting and co-parenting skills that promote long-term family stability.
How IronBond is structured
IronBond is the full program: 24 hours in all, free for fathers in South Florida. At its core is IronBond Essentials, a progressive six-part workshop series built on PAIRS skills. Coaching and workforce connections round out the program.
- IronBond Essentials: the six-part workshop series at the heart of the program
- Parenting, positive co-parenting, financial education and job readiness
- Open to fathers, co-parents and community partners who refer them
- Supported by a grant from the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, Administration for Children and Families
Veterans
Warrior to Soul Mate: relationship skills for those who served
In 2008, a team of chaplains, psychologists and social workers at the Charlie Norwood VA Medical Center asked PAIRS Foundation to donate a 16-hour relationship retreat for returning combat veterans and their spouses over Valentine's Day weekend. That retreat became Warrior to Soul Mate. Since then, hundreds of VA chaplains and behavioral health professionals have completed PAIRS training to lead it, and in 2019 the VA National Chaplain Center contracted with PAIRS Foundation to offer the program across the Veterans Administration.
- Built on the PAIRS Essentials curriculum
- A multi-disciplinary Whole Health approach
- More than 99 percent of participants recommend it to others
- Studied by VA researchers in peer-reviewed journals. Read the studies
The goal is to make Warrior to Soul Mate available to every veteran, at every VA facility.Program goal, w2sm.com
Professionals and organizations
Bring PAIRS to the people you serve
PAIRS Foundation trains and licenses chaplains, counselors, educators, clergy, healthcare teams and community organizations to deliver PAIRS programs with rigorous training, ethical and quality-assurance standards. A global community of more than a thousand licensed facilitators delivers recognized best practice in congregations, clinics, military and veteran settings, supportive housing and schools.
- PAIRS Essentials certification training, in person and online
- Curriculum licensing with participant materials and curriculum guides
- Customized courses to meet the objectives of organizations and communities
- PAIRS for PEERS, PAIRS Purpose and PAIRS Passion for graduates and youth
Organizations and partners
Working with PAIRS Foundation
PAIRS reaches most people through partners. If your organization serves families, fathers, veterans or communities, there is likely a way to work together.
Nonprofits and community organizations
Host PAIRS classes, train your staff as facilitators or refer the families you serve. Partners have included YMCAs, congregations, schools and supportive-housing providers such as Carrfour.
Government agencies
PAIRS has delivered federally funded programs for the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services and contracts with the VA National Chaplain Center to offer Warrior to Soul Mate across the VA.
Funders and foundations
Underwrite scholarships, fatherhood workshops, veteran retreats or facilitator training in a community you care about, with clear reporting on who was served.
Researchers and universities
PAIRS has worked with researchers at the University of Central Florida, Florida Atlantic University and VA research centers. We welcome new evaluation and data partnerships.
Healthcare systems
Relationship skills support whole health. The VA uses PAIRS-based programs within its Whole Health approach, delivered by chaplains and behavioral health teams.
Free from PAIRS Foundation
Practice with Yodi, the free PAIRS relationship coach
Most relationship skills are simple to understand and hard to use in the moment. Yodi is a patient AI coach trained in PAIRS that gives you a private place to rehearse until the words come naturally, any time of day or night.
- Pick an exercise. Sixteen guided exercises across communication, conflict, emotional connection and intimacy. Most people start with the ten-minute Daily Temperature Reading.
- Talk it through. Speak or type. Yodi walks you through each step and listens without judgment, the way a skilled PAIRS facilitator would.
- Bring it home. Use the same structure with a partner, a child, a parent or a friend.
- Available 24/7
- Free, no ads, no subscription
- iPhone, iPad, Mac and Android
Your privacy and safety. People often share personal things with Yodi. Read how PAIRS Foundation handles your information in the Yodi Privacy Policy and Terms of Service. Yodi is a skills-practice coach, not a therapist or crisis service. If you are in crisis, call or text 988 in the United States. If you are not safe at home, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233.
Refreshing and very easy to use and understand.
Research and evidence
What the research shows
When we say evidence-based, here is what we mean. PAIRS has been studied in peer-reviewed journals, in a federally funded multi-year evaluation and by VA researchers. Every study below is one click away.
12 months
Gains that last a year
In a federally funded South Florida evaluation of the nine-hour PAIRS Essentials class, participants improved on all four measures of the Dyadic Adjustment Scale: consensus, satisfaction, affection and cohesion. The gains held or grew at six and twelve months.
Eisenberg, Peluso and Schindler, 2011 (PDF)+25 points
Strongest for couples in distress
Participants who started in the distressed range scored nearly 25 points higher on the Dyadic Adjustment Scale twelve months later. A separate analysis of 747 participants found the largest lasting gains among those least satisfied at the start.
Falciglia and Schindler, 2010 (PDF)VA studied
Veterans and their partners
VA researchers report that veterans who attended Warrior to Soul Mate had lower anxiety, better marital satisfaction, and more intimacy, cohesion and affection. In 2013 the program served 1,664 people, including 847 veterans.
VA studies, 2015 and 2018Since 1994
Peer-reviewed from the start
Studies in the American Journal of Family Therapy, Family Therapy and the Journal of Family Psychotherapy found gains in marital adjustment and intimacy that held six to eight months later. PAIRS research is included in national meta-analyses of relationship education.
See the journal articlesThe research page lists every study, the recovered PAIRS Foundation evaluation reports, VA studies, independent reviews and a plain-language note on what these studies can and can't tell us.
Explore all research and evaluationsIn their words
What participants and professionals say
Couples, fathers, veterans and the professionals who serve them, in their own words.
This weekend has been ground breaking for my husband and me. There are issues we have been dealing with for 19 years. Two of these issues seem to be starting to be resolved just in these few days. I am a cancer survivor and he suffers from PTSD from being sent to Iraq. We have found a closeness we haven't had in years, just from being at this seminar.
This program may have saved my marriage and family where there was no light. There is light now.
I'm going home a different man. My son's gonna know his dad. And he's gonna know I love him, not just with words, but with presence.
We were on the brink of separation. The structured approach helped us rebuild trust and intimacy. The exercises are easy to follow and have made a big difference.
I saw Veterans who came in with this program as a last resort before ending their marriage but leaving the weekend a new couple.
After forty years as a psychiatrist and marital therapist, PAIRS is my most valuable professional and personal tool.
The PAIRS program has revolutionized our team communication.
Books, apps and library
Take PAIRS home
Books by PAIRS Foundation President and CEO Seth Eisenberg, the founding work of Lori Heyman Gordon, historical PAIRS materials and free digital tools that let anyone practice PAIRS skills anytime, anywhere.
Let It Out
Finding Your Voice Without Losing Yourself
A weekend at Shuler Manor, told through the people in the room, with practical guidance for expressing what has gone unsaid. A companion workbook with twenty-two guided sessions accompanies the book.
Buy on Amazon
Love That Grows With You
Revised second edition, with a companion workbook
Twenty chapters on emotional connection, conscious communication and everyday intimacy, with the seven PAIRS tools couples use most. The companion workbook turns each chapter into guided practice.
Buy on Amazon
The Road of Happiness Now
A lifelong resource for emotional growth and healing
Reflections and practices for the inner work that makes close relationships possible, drawn from decades of teaching PAIRS.
Buy on AmazonFrom the PAIRS library
- FounderPassage to Intimacy by Lori Heyman Gordon, the PAIRS founder's book of the concepts and exercises behind the original program.
- HistoryAbout PAIRS: Skills for Successful Relationships and Emotional Literacy, Rita DeMaria, Ph.D., PAIRS Research Task Force, 2003 (PDF).
- ResearchPAIRS research and evaluation archive, including the federally funded South Florida evaluation reports, 2010 to 2011.
PAIRS Yodi, the free AI relationship coach
Yodi simulates the exercise partner PAIRS skills need, so anyone can practice Talking Tips, the Daily Temperature Reading, Emptying the Emotional Jug and more than a dozen other tools privately, at their own pace, at no cost. Available for iPhone, iPad, Mac and Android.
See how Yodi worksPAIRS Now video library
Short video lessons that introduce PAIRS skills online, for graduates who want a refresher and newcomers who want to see what a class is like before enrolling.
Explore PAIRS Now at pairs4me.comSupport PAIRS Foundation
Help make relationship skills available to everyone
PAIRS Foundation is a 501(c)(3) nonprofit charity. Your gift supports our charitable mission: teaching the skills that nurture and sustain healthy relationships, and bringing them to the families, fathers, veterans and communities who need them most.
Questions about tax deductions or how a gift is used? Email info@pairs.com or call (844) 724-7748.
Need help with the cost of a class?
Cost should never keep anyone from learning these skills. Scholarships are available for PAIRS classes and retreats, made possible by donors.
Apply for a PAIRS scholarship- Classes and retreats for couples and families, including scholarships for those who could not otherwise attend
- IronBond fatherhood workshops in Broward and Miami-Dade
- Warrior to Soul Mate retreats for veterans and their partners
- Facilitator training for the chaplains, counselors and community leaders who carry PAIRS forward
- Free tools such as the PAIRS Yodi app and the PAIRS Now video library
Contact
Strengthening families as the foundation of resilient communities
PAIRS Foundation welcomes participants, partner organizations, funders, researchers and journalists. For classes and retreats, visit pairs4me.com. For everything else, reach the Foundation directly.
- Organization
- PAIRS Foundation, Inc., a 501(c)(3) nonprofit charity
- Address
- 4429 Hollywood Blvd.
Hollywood, Florida 33081 - Phone
- (844) 724-7748
- info@pairs.com
- Classes and retreats
- pairs4me.com
- Scholarships
- pairs4me.com/scholarship